Today’s Realization

Instead of our normal Sunday routine, in which DH and I putter around the house after our morning Starbucks and grocery shopping, we met some friends in Berkeley for an afternoon of hanging out and catching up with one another.  My brother came too.  It was really nice to see them all – especially since most of their get togethers happen when I’m at work or have other plans.

The morning started out OK.  I woke up with a headache and a bit of an achy back and neck.  Grr…  I weighed myself for my Sunday check-in and found that I’d lost 6 pounds in the past week.  Don’t get too excited or worried, though.  I know a lot of that was probably water weight that I’d gained from eating those bags of chips and theme park food the week before.  The weight loss should slow down to something more reasonable soon.

After that, I put together a menu for the week and a grocery list.  We headed off to Starbucks where I was able to make a deliciously healthy decision because of the nutritional info from their website.  Then it was time to buy some groceries before we headed out to Berkeley.

We wandered around downtown for a bit.  I found a great cookbook at Half Priced Books.  A man with some kind of mental illness tried to talk to me.  DH and my brother wondered if I knew him because he was so excited to see me.  I don’t – I just give off pheromones for homeless and crazy people.  We met our friends at Games of Berkeley (great shop BTW, and locally owned too), followed by a late lunch at Jupiter.

I perused the menu and picked out a delicious red and gold beet salad with goat cheese and champagne vinaigrette.  I paired it with a refreshing beer and enjoyed my time with friends.  About 3/4 of the way through my beer – long after my salad was eaten – I was hit with a familiar craving.  If there was a plate of cookies in front of me, or a cake, or brownies, or ice cream… any sweet yummy goodness really… I would have eaten it without thinking twice.  I would have kept on eating until it was all gone or I was too stuffed to eat another bite.  Luckily there weren’t any sweets nearby, and I was forced to ignore this craving until it went away.

We came home and I had another beer. And started another.  I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me that multiple beers don’t fit in with a healthy eating plan.  About then, I decided to make our lunches for tomorrow.  I was so excited to pack those pre-packaged snack packs that are about 100 calories and contain those special little treats.  You can imagine my heartbreak when I flipped over the individual packs to read several hundred calories and way too many grams of fat in that little nutritional box.  I guess DH is getting all the snack packs he can stomach.  Me? I get to make healthier decisions.  *sigh*

I finished my beer and put the bottle into recycling.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a forlorn little cookie snack pack.  I said “I need to eat the cookies!” I opened the package, took one cookie and popped it into my mouth.  DH immediately jumped up and said “Give me those cookies.  They’re not good for you.  I’m supporting your healthy eating and you can’t eat these.”  I knew he was right, but I pouted anyway.

OK… so this long, rambling story has a point: I can’t drink and make healthy eating decisions. I realized this as I was pouting in my corner of the living room, acting like a child because my loving husband saved me from making a decision that I would become upset about later.

I had been reading this book called Almost Alcoholic (ISBN 9781616491598), which is about recognizing and addressing drinking that can’t be defined as alcoholism but is still outside the realm of “normal” drinking.  The authors explain that a lot of people become depressed when drinking habitually because alcohol lowers inhibitions, including your inhibitions towards certain feelings.  That’s why people who are normally mild mannered may become angry or mean when they drink, and shy people may become more outgoing.  In my case, alcohol not only lowers my resistance to cravings for sweets, it also lowers my inhibitions when it comes to pursuing them.  So, I’ll avoid drinking except under planned special circumstances so that I don’t make decisions that I’ll regret later.

By the way, the book is really interesting, and is the first in a series of “Almost Effect” books.  The idea is that there are a number of behavioral and physical problems that fall outside the realm of “normal” but aren’t quite enough to be considered “full-blown.”  I don’t think I’m on the “almost alcoholic” spectrum, but I do recognize the behavioral change that happens when I drink.  Since sweets are usually pretty easy to get my hands on, I’ll just avoid the trigger (alcohol) to control my intake of sweets.

Just thought I’d share my epiphany for today.  Now it’s time to head to bed.  I have an early, busy day tomorrow.

 

Back on the Wagon

I haven’t really been watching what I eat.  I also haven’t been exercising.  Those two things combined have made me gain 12.5 pounds in the last 111 days (weight according to my Wii).  That’s on top of the 15 pounds I gained towards the end of 2011/beginning of 2012.  Ugh.

I could tell that I’d gained weight.  After all, my clothes were fitting tighter, it was more tiring to go upstairs, and it was a lot more difficult to keep up with DH’s normal walking speed.  A couple of weeks ago I found myself actually getting mad at him and thinking he was walking faster on purpose – I guess I just didn’t want to admit that I’d gotten fatter and slower.

C25K is a lot more difficult this time around too.  DH and I started C25K a few weeks ago as part of our preparation for the Tinkerbell Half in January.  We’re on week 4 day 2… the other 3 weeks weren’t a picnic.  I found myself strangely reluctant to do something that I’d found so much joy in before.  Yet another sign of being fatter and slower.

So, starting mid-morning yesterday, I got back on the fitness wagon.  I ate healthy foods. I went to the gym and lifted weights.  When DH got home, we went for a run.  And today I’ve eaten according to my plan.  In the interest of full disclosure, I’m planning on starting Alli again.  It worked really well for me in 2008-2009 when I lost 43 pounds on it.  I kept most of the weight off from 2009-2011, and I’ve just gotten suckier at doing what I need to do.

I am pretty hungry though.  And all that damn chocolate, marshmallows, and convenience food isn’t making the munchies go away any quicker.  It’s just about time for my next snack and more water.  Hopefully that’ll last until dinner.  Dinner tonight will be hoisin glazed chicken with seasoned couscous and roasted veggies.  Sounds awesome, doesn’t it?

So, that’s it.  I just need to not be fat, slow, and lazy any more.  And I need to figure out how to stay that way once I achieve my goals.

 

OH! That’s another thing.  My first weight loss goal is 8 pounds.  I need a prize for when I get there…

April 2012 Project

Here’s my April project. It’s a quilt, done in batiks (and batik imposters). One of my coworkers saw a pile of the fabric on my desk and asked if she could have the quilt when it was done. I said yes, and the rest is history.

The back is far from perfect, but C was thrilled anyway. She said that nobody had made a quilt for her before – not even her mom who has made quilts for other family members. So, I hope you enjoy your quilt, C!

This is the front. Pretty colors! It’s on a full sized bed so it’s pretty big. It’s supposed to be a twin sized quilt.

A closeup of the borders and quilting. The bulk of the quilt was done in a hearts and flowers pattern. The borders alternates between hearts, flowers and curlicues.

The back. This fabric was originally going to be living room curtains. I think it works better as a backing.

Weight Loss TV

I’m not a big fan of TV in general.  I don’t really have the time to watch it, especially specific shows every week.  I do try to make the time to watch weight loss TV shows like The Biggest Loser on Hulu, though.

I’ve tried to analyze why I like this particular type of TV as opposed to regular shows or other reality tv.  I think it’s because I can see parts of myself and those I love in the people on these shows.  And I always love the transformations they go through and the emotional growth I see.  But I’m still dissatisfied – probably because the people on these shows are so overweight that they’re in even worse condition than most of the people I know.

I wish they’d make some kind of weight loss/healthy living show for people who don’t need to lose hundreds of pounds.  They need to make a show for people that really only need to lose 40 pounds or learn how to cook healthy foods or fit everything in with a super busy life.  It’s not just about the weight loss for the average person in my life.  It’s about other things as well.

I know the spectacle sells, but it doesn’t reflect the majority of what I see in my life.  I wish TV did sometimes.

It’s been kinda… meh.

It’s time for another goals check-in! So far I have to say I’ve been pretty “meh” about the goals – at least about the ones that aren’t fun. The one that I’m falling down the worst on is eating real food. It’s sooo hard for me to do that one. I don’t know why. Is it the will-power thing? Is it lack of planning? I don’t know. I just know that it’s way too easy to eat weird stuff.

To a lesser extent I’m having issues with avoiding white stuff. When I’m home it’s pretty easy to avoid it. The only white things I have in my house are sugar and flour – and those are saved for baking. But when we go out to eat, it becomes a lot harder. Same thing at work too.

I downloaded a C25K app on my iPhone the other day. I had plans of working through it with DH starting today (he wants to run a half marathon with me, but he doesn’t run now). He got sick this weekend so I started it myself. The app is pretty good. I like having the audio cues so that I don’t have to look at my phone so much. The only down side is that it doesn’t keep track of how far I run. When I got home I had to figure it out with mapping software. Oh well. The point of the app is to use it as a cheat sheet for the C25K program, right? Right. I won’t be ready to run the whole 5k that I signed up for on March 11, but I’ll be ready for the next one.

So far I haven’t looked any further than the 5K in March. I should probably get on it and sign up for a couple more 5K’s and a couple of 10K’s too.

I’ve already finished 2 projects for February. Both are bags. One is cute, the other not so much. I also screwed up on a handle for the not cute bag. Oh well, it adds to the charm, right?

I’ve been doing super well with cooking a new recipe each week. Last night I made a super simple shrimp dish. Last week I made beef stroganoff. Oh, and today I’m trying my hand at a berry cobbler from our new Disney cookbook. I’m not sure what to make of the cobbler… it doesn’t look “right” to me.

I haven’t gotten started with the computer/work related goals either. I probably should start to do that soon.

Oh! And I did the first step for buying a house – I got our taxes ready to file. I just need to look at them one more time, get DH to hook up the printer again, and file them. I also got the paperwork together to change my name on our checking account. I want to start going through closets and cabinets and storage to get rid of things I don’t want to move into a new place. I know we’re several months away from buying, but I don’t want to have the added stress of a mad-tossing party.

I’ve also been helping my brother out with his blog (http://goesgreatwithbeer.com). He comes over once a week and cooks a meal. The meal is paired with beer. We post the recipe and a picture. He took a couple weeks off because I wasn’t home, but we’re back up and running now.

OK – it’s just about time to fold the laundry. Then I need to figure out what else is on today’s to do list. Until next time!

The cute bag

 

The not so cute bag

 

Important Conversations Happen at Disneyland

It’s funny how all of our important conversations happen at Disneyland.  It’s where DH (finally!) asked me to marry him.  And this trip, it’s where we seriously discussed buying a house this year vs. waiting a few years.  I couldn’t figure out how to tell him why buying sooner rather than later is so important to me.  And then I realized, that for me buying a house isn’t necessarily about owning it and knowing that nobody can raise the rent on us in our old age.  It’s really about being able to fix the things that are bothering me about our current situation.  Things that he doesn’t have to deal with unless I’m physically incapable of taking care of it myself.

It’s not about the marijuana smell making its way through our walls from the side we share with the New Yorkers.  It’s not about the Chinese karaoke blaring through the side we share (right this second) with the Chinese family.  Those are both annoying things, but I can deal with them.

It’s about not being able to do the laundry whenever I want.  Most of the time the washer and dryer are being used by one of the other three families in our complex.  And we’re not allowed to do laundry after 10pm.  I often feel like the only way I can do laundry at home is if I take a day off midweek… and hope nobody else has done the same.

It’s about having a stove that doesn’t lean heavily to the right.  That causes some interesting problems when it comes to evenly cooking food.

It’s about having an oven that doesn’t randomly decide whether to cook 50 degrees hotter than the dial says so that I have to guess (and hope and pray) that dinner (or cookies) isn’t burned.

It’s about having a refrigerator with all of the shelves in the door, and a freezer that doesn’t randomly stop freezing.  When the freezer gets warm it makes this really loud pop/bang sound.  We call it the freezer troll.  The Freezer Troll says hi a lot.

It’s about having more than one plug in the kitchen and a counter that’s big enough to hold a cutting board.  Oh, and a dishwasher, and a pantry!

It’s about having space for a dining room table AND the people sitting around it AND the people who need to walk by to get into the kitchen.

It’s about having a heater that works properly so that I’m not shivering from September to May every year because I’m too scared to turn it on.

It’s about taking a shower without having to fear that a neighbor will also want one at the same time (we all share the same hot water heater), or that a neighbor will decide to run the washing machine, or that the sprinklers will turn on.  It’s about having enough water pressure in the shower to rinse the shampoo out of my hair quickly.

If it were any one (or even two) of those things listed above, I could probably deal with it for a couple more years.  I take that back… the kitchen, laundry, and heater stuff bother me every day.  But the rest of the stuff is not such a big deal to me.  We’re really lucky because we’re in a rent controlled 4-plex.  I thought about moving into another place for a couple years so that we could continue to save.  Unfortunately, that would mean paying a lot more in rent.

Those are the things we discussed in Disneyland while waiting for DH’s coffee to arrive.  So, on Saturday I got the OK to start figuring out what it is that we need to do to buy a house.  I have to gather all of the things we’ll need to apply for a mortgage.  And then we’ll go from there.  Why do I feel so nervous all of a sudden?

The Pain!

I officially completed one of my 2012 goals: finish at least one half marathon. I did that today around 9:30am. OMG are my legs sore! It took 3 hours and 14 minutes, but I’m done!

The first three miles weren’t bad. Just a typical 5k through Disneyland. Mile 5 was hard, but I’m not sure why. It was definitely more mental than anything else at that point. Mile 7 was really fun with the marching band and cheerleaders. Mile 9 definitely started to hurt. Mile 11 I passed our hotel and waved at my husband. My legs were really unhappy with me. Then it was through California Adventure to the finish line.

Even the parts that didn’t have Disney all over them were fun. I’d totally recommend this race.

I am in so much pain! Gonna hobble slowly through the parks some more and eat icecream. Its my reward for finishing.

Nervous…

Tomorrow is my first half marathon. It’s the race I was training for when I fell last month. I’m really scared and nervous about this race. The inaugural Tinkerbell Half Marathon at Disneyland.

I talked about it with my doctor, who also happens to run marathons. She gave me the all clear and told me to have fun with it. So that’s what I’m going to do.

My bib is pinned to my shirt. My clothes are laid out. My belt is ready to go. The race starts at 5:45am tomorrow.

I know I’m under prepared for this.
My husband has been talking me up with it. He says: look at it this way, a month ago you fell really hard and were laid up. You cracked a rib and had a concussion. And yet you’re still getting out there and attempting to do this. That takes guts.

I’m still hella scared.

So here’s to completing a half marathon. Let’s hope and pray that I do. And that I don’t break anything while I’m doing it.

2012 Goals Check-in

Time to check in with my 2012 goals:

Cook 1 new recipe each week
So far, so good.  I didn’t think I’d get a new recipe in this week because we weren’t planning on eating dinner at home this week.  Staying home on Sunday instead of going out to San Francisco worked to my advantage.  I made split pea soup with yellow peas that I found at the Indian market by my house.  Pretty yummy.  I didn’t follow the directions 100% though…  I dumped everything in the pot and let it cook instead of adding the carrots and celery in the last 30 minutes of cooking.

Eat real food
This one I’m falling down a bit on.  Most bread in the supermarket has some kind of weird preservative in it.  I’m also trying to use up my peanut butter and salad dressings before I buy more (budgets, ya know).  And of course the cookies and candy at work don’t really work so well for this.  I just need to focus more and be more aware of what I’m putting in my mouth and what I’m buying.  I can do that.  It might be difficult at Disneyland next week, but I’ll do my best.

No white grains
Do onion bagels count as white grain?  Or the rice at lunch yesterday?  Or the flour that’s used to make those delicious cookies in the lunch room?  I’m pretty sure they do.  *sigh*  FOCUS Danie!  I’ve been doing good except for those three slip-ups.  And my sister was super sweet to buy pizza with whole wheat crust for my nephew’s birthday.  Thanks Sis! Yay me – I’m almost succeeding with this one!

Finish one quilt or sewing project each month
All I have to do is attach a border to this hot pink quilted throw I made and the project for month #1 is done!  I also have the stuff I need to complete at least on project for month #2!  This goal is going well.

Buy a house, not a condo
I showed DH some McMansions around our neighborhood that we almost have 10% down on.  I think we’ll probably end up buying something a little more manageable payment and upkeep wise (read: smaller and cheaper).  We have 20% down on bank-owned prices for smaller homes, but we need to save more for closing costs and any repairs/upgrades the houses might need.

Learn basic web development technologies
I haven’t even started on this one.  DH showed me a series of videos I can watch to get the basics down and then take tests to get certified on this stuff.  I’m just not super motivated on this, though.  Got any tips to get me motivated?

Get Project+ certified
This is a direct response to some project management training work sent me to awhile back.  I have all of the training materials I need sitting in the 2nd bedroom upstairs.  Have I watched one refresher video?  No.  Read one chapter of one book?  No.  Maybe I need some prizes to motivate me, what do you think?

Run a 5k without stopping; complete three 5k races; complete two 10k races; complete at least one half marathon; wear a bikini comfortably in public
I decided to lump all of these goals together because they each build on one another.  I signed up for a 5k, I joined a gym, and my rib is healed so I can focus on these goals more.  My weight went up in response to the gym-going though.  Just a pound, but I know that is water retention from the upper body workout I did yesterday.  Seriously, my arm muscles are so sore that it’s a miracle I could turn on the shower this morning.  I also jogged on the treadmill twice this week, which felt really good.  I’ll keep doing that until I’m jogging for the whole 30 minutes the gym allows.

 

Weekly Recipe: Tagine Chicken with Quinoa and Stewed Vegetables

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to cook a recipe each week that I haven’t cooked before.  This week my new recipe is tagine chicken with quinoa and stewed vegetables.  I found both recipes on Allrecipes.com – it’s a great website to visit for inspiration.  I followed the recipe for tagine chicken pretty closely, and I just used the stewed veggies recipe as a jumping off point for what I actually made.

I had all of the ingredients for the tagine chicken except for the couscous.  So I stopped in at the grocery store to pick some up.  Upon looking at the box and reading the ingredients list, I realized that couscous is highly processed.  *sigh*  So I looked around for 100% whole grain couscous to no avail.  I’m sure it exists, but not in that particular grocery store.  Then I caught site of quinoa.  It seemed healthier than the couscous, so I bought it.  It was pretty good! The main dish was easy to make and made my house smell delicious!

Then I realized that I’d be feeding a bunch of people and there probably wasn’t enough without some kind of side dish, so I did a search for Vegetables on allrecipes.  I found the recipe for vegetable tagine and used it as the basis for the stewed veggies I actually made.  So, here’s what I did with those:

Moroccan Inspired Stewed Vegetables

• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 1 bell pepper, seeded and chopped
• 1 onion, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 4 carrots chopped
• 2 potatoes, peeled and chopped
• 1 head broccoli, chopped into medium-large pieces
• 1 can sliced stewed tomatoes, low sodium if possible
• 2 tbsp  tomato paste
• 48 oz fat free, low sodium chicken broth
• 1/4 tsp ground turmeric
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp ground coriander
• 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 15 oz can of garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
• salt and pepper

1. Heat the oil in a pot over medium heat.  Add onion, garlic and bell pepper.  Cook until onion is translucent.
2. Add the carrots, potatoes, broccoli, tomatoes, tomato paste, chicken broth, coriander, cinnamon, garlic powder, turmeric, and cumin.  Bring to a boil and then simmer until potatoes and carrots are tender.
3. Add the garbanzo beans, salt and pepper.  Simmer until the garbanzos are warmed through.  Serve.

This recipe makes PLENTY of food.  And it goes very far as a side dish.  You could make a vegetarian meal out of it if you put it over couscous or quinoa.

So here’s the downside.  I forgot to take a picture.  That means you don’t get to see all the yumminess for yourself.  You’ll just have to make it and see!  DH really liked it.  Our friends liked it too.  I liked that most of the ingredients didn’t have weird stuff in it.  I mean, the apricots in the chicken dish had a couple of ingredients that protect the color, and the canned stuff all had extra salt, but other than that it was real food.

I’d totally make this stuff again.