Update on Mom:
Those of you who know me in real life have probably heard that my mom is in hospice now. Her condition has declined a lot. Long story short, her last stroke basically advanced her dementia to the point that she’s having trouble swallowing, she’ll spit out her meds if you don’t trick her into taking them, she doesn’t recognize us kids, she can’t sit up (she basically sleeps all day), and she can’t communicate meaningfully. Every time I see her I want to cry. I usually do.

Update on household stuff:
We’ve been looking for a house to buy, but we keep getting outbid. The last house we put in an offer on had over 50 bids! Insane, right? There’s just not a lot on the market right now so everything is going for so much over the asking price and there are soooo many bids!

DH and I have been working through cleaning up our house. We’ve realized that the clutter is really stressful, and the best thing we can do is start to reduce. It’s also a good thing because it means that if we ever buy a house we’ll have less to move!

Update on quilting:
I made my first minky quilt. Man, that sucked. The quilt was cute, but minky is a bitch to work with! I also went to a quilt retreat and finished 3 quilt tops and sandwiched the Christmas quilt. I haven’t done any other sewing, though.

As part of my decluttering, I’ve been trying to organize the fabric, patterns, batting and quilt books so that they don’t take up as much space and are easier to find. I discovered that I have “kits” of at least 5 different quilts, I have at least 7 different tops finished that need quilting, and I have a TON of other fabric. *sigh* No matter how much I organize and reorganize it just doesn’t make it any easier to quilt.

Update on health:
I finally went to see a psychologist. I realized that I’m pretty depressed and I have been for awhile. It all came to a head with the latest mom stuff. So I’m talking it through with a doctor. It seems to be helping a little bit.

It’s really hard to work up the gumption to run – and I have a half marathon with DH in January. He’s been good about trying to get me to run, but it’s hard to want to do it. My ankle kinda hurts after my run on Sunday. I’m hoping that wrapping it will help with keeping the training going.

So I think that’s it. I’m looking forward to the new year and the resolutions it always brings. I know at least one of them will be sewing related, and another will be health related. It’s just a matter of figuring out what I want them to be.

TTFN and Merry Christmas!

What Else Are You Half-Assing?

I finally got around to watching last week’s Biggest Loser episode – my guilty pleasure.  Much like any other show, some episodes have lines that just make you think, ya know?  Last week’s was one of those for me.

After a few workouts where the contestants were running sprints at 8 or 9 (not sure if that’s mph or difficulty level), Jillian made them run one sprint at 11 or 12.  Everyone looked at her like she was insane when she said to bump up the speed, but they did it anyway.  Boy, were they thrilled when they finished!  In the little interviews they do at different times during the episodes Jillian talked about that particular workout.  She said something along the lines of “If you’ve been running sprints at 8 when the whole time you could have done it at 12…  what else in your life have you been doing half assed?”

That struck a nerve with me.  How many times do you find yourself doing something one way because it’s easier or because you simply don’t believe you can do it any other way?  Have you even tried doing it differently?  Have you even tried putting forth the effort to improve your performance?

I asked myself these questions and had that little voice in the back of my head calling it “perfectionism.”  But striving to improve yourself, to improve your life and that of those you love is not perfectionism.  Working towards any improvement in life is about loving yourself and others to the extent that you know that your current experience just isn’t good enough AND you’re actively trying to make it better.

I really think that I’ve been half-assing a lot of things in the past few months.  I wonder if there’s a touch of depression, mostly because things haven’t felt “right” for awhile.  So, instead of working towards the goals that I’ve set for myself and my family, I’ve been sitting on my ass paying lip service to those goals hoping that they’ll just go away.  But goals that are verbalized (and published) on the internet never go away.  They stare at you every time you look at your blog stats and see that someone out there has read your post on that particular goal.

Half-assing is definitely easy, but it doesn’t feel good.  Here’s my question then: How do I get out of this funk and whole-ass everything from now on?  Any suggestions?

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