Last night’s thematic dreams

I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately.  And of course, this means that I wake up in the night a lot.  Last night was no exception.

I don’t remember all of my dreams, but I remember different parts of each dream:

• My mom stopped breathing in one dream.  She was on her knees with her forehead on the ground.  The attendant next to her said “Just make sure her airway is clear. She’ll start breathing again.”  She started back up again but didn’t wake up.  Afterwards I was shaking and crying in the dream and freaking out about the DNR on file for her.
• I had another where there were bad people in the library and I was trying to protect the public from them.  I set up some kind of an obstacle course that ended with them falling into a pit.  But I had to stop little kids from falling into the pit too.
• There was another where I was at my mom’s house, pre-remodel.  Someone had a baby, but they died and nobody knew what to do.  I took the baby and decided that I would take care of it.  I wrapped it in a blanket and searched through the fridge for something to feed it.  I found mashed potatoes and decided that the baby could suck them off my finger until I could find some formula.  People kept trying to take the baby away but I just held it tighter.  I said “He’s beautiful and he’s mine.”
• In another dream I was at a friend’s house.  They had a few cats.  I somehow ended up on my back on the floor with a pregnant cat laying on my stomach.  She started giving birth.  I was grossed out but excited too.  I remember thinking that I was glad my jeans hadn’t just come out of the wash because then I’d be really upset that they were so dirty.  My friend wanted to move the cat but I told her not to because it might hurt the mama and the babies.  I said that she’d move when she was ready.
• In the last dream my old dog Duncan was there, but he was a lot younger.  Not quite a puppy, but not quite an adult.  He rolled onto his back and I scratched his belly.  I was so glad to see him.  I don’t know what we talked about, but I remember talking to him and he answered.

OK…  So what am I really dreaming about here?  Family, the life cycle, creation, innocence, protection, responsibility, and love.  DH says they’re all maternal/caregiving dreams.  I thought they were all just weird, but at least there’s a theme to the dreams.

Dreaming of Tornadoes

I don’t know if it has anything to do with all the news coverage of the tornadoes touching down in the states east of California, but I dreamed of two tornadoes last night.  It’s not like I’ve never dreamed of them before.  It’s just that the tornadoes in this dream were very different from my other dreams.

In previous dreams I’d see a mini tornado (think tasmanian devil style) and run into the house for shelter while the tornado swirled harmlessly outside.  Or I’d be on a hill and see a funnel cloud that looked like it was about to touch down at the school near my Mom’s house, so I’d run over there and get the kids to safety (even the pregnant 8 year old who falls from the tree – don’t ask, she’s always in my tornado dreams, not sure who she’s supposed to be).  Sometimes there would be multiple mini tornadoes.  Sometimes they’d be straight up and down, sometimes shaped like a funnel.

But my dream last night was different.

I looked out the back door to my Mom’s house and saw a giant tornado heading towards us.  Seriously – huge, straight up and down, dark gray, looked almost solid.  I slammed the door shut, and told my sister, niece, nephew and mom that a tornado was headed this way and we needed to hide.  I ran to the closet in my Mom’s room and started chucking clutter out of the way.  The rest of my family was dawdling and looking at me like I was nuts.  I screamed “Get your asses in this closet!  I’m not messing around.”  When they still looked at me like I was insane, I said “Fine!  If you want to stay out there and die, you can do it.  But I’m closing this door!”

Finally the kids entered the closet and huddled close.  Then my sister.  Then my mom.  She shut the door just as the tornado hit.  We all held on a little tighter when we felt the air change and heard the tornado roar.

When the tornado passed we opened the closet door.  We could see bits of a sunny sky through the partially torn off roof.  We went outside to observe the damage and I realized that we’d been transported to San Francisco.  The house was on top of another building that held a food court.  The Ferry Building’s bell tower had been torn off and was deposited (whole) nearby.  Sky scrapers had been broken in half.

I suddenly realized that I had no idea where my husband was.  I frantically called his cell.  All I could hear was screaming on the other end.  When it stopped I said “DH, I have no idea where I am, but I’m near the Embarcadero.  Look for the broken Ferry Building tower.  Please come find me.  I’ll be downstairs.”

Just when I was going to call again DH showed up.  We hugged and kissed like they do in the movies.  Then we looked out the floor to ceiling windows and saw another funnel cloud darkening the sky.

And I woke up.

Dreaming of Mom

Mom had a second stroke this week – yesterday, in fact.  It’s weird how much can change from one moment to the next.  I was counting the money for the cash register yesterday morning when I got the call.  My sister said Mom couldn’t say anything but “Mom” and “Dad.”  They called 911 and I was on my way.

So, Mom’s back in the hospital.  She was admitted yesterday.  If she does well, she’ll be released tomorrow.  She’s super confused, talks like she’s had way too much to drink and lacks coordination.  We’ll see, right?

The ER neurologist showed me Mom’s CT scans.  She walked me through all the damage that her previous 7 (?) strokes have done, the damage the blocked carotid artery has done, the damage caused by diabetes, cholesterol, etc.  Almost the entire back of her brain on the right side is dark gray – a sign of damage.  There’s similar, but less widespread damage on the left side.  There are black pin-pricks in other parts of her brain.  The arteries are very narrow leading up to and through her brain.  The doctor said that there is so much damage caused by her previous strokes that it’s difficult to find the new damage caused by the stroke on Sunday and yesterday.

After Mom was admitted I went home to relax and sleep.  After my dad passed away, I dreamed about him.  I told him how much I loved him, he gave me words of warning and I woke up at peace.  I had a similar dream about my mom last night, but she hasn’t passed on yet.

My dream last night was peaceful, beautiful, touching and sad all at the same time.  I don’t remember all of it, but I do remember the most important part.  My mom, sister, brother and I were all standing in a field filled with yellow and white daisies.  It was sunny, but not hot and I wasn’t worried about us burning in the sun’s rays.  We were all so happy and calm, but there was a touch of sadness too.

Mom was standing tall without her walker.  She looked so vibrant and alert.  She was smiling.  Her hair was done like she used to do it before all these strokes.  Her face looked younger too.  She spoke to each of us kids and told us that everything was going to be alright.  She said that she loved us very much, but that she had to go away for awhile.  She would see us soon so we shouldn’t worry and we should always remember that she loves us.

Then I woke up.

I don’t really know if this dream is a precursor of things to come; if she’s telling us goodbye before she’s gone for good, or if she was simply talking about her stay in the hospital.  I do know that when I woke up I felt a little bit lighter and sadder all at the same time.

I don’t know what I’ll do when Mom passes on.  For a long time, she’s been mostly gone but bits and pieces of her have shown up and they remind me of what I miss.  As frustrating as they were at the time, I miss our “noon-thirty I love you calls” that came about as a mutual check-in from 2005-2008.  I would be so annoyed because she would panic a little if I couldn’t answer the phone.  After her stroke in 2008 the calls stopped because she was confused by the phone.  And now she’s confused by talking.

I know that death is another part of life, and that Mom has not passed on yet.  But knowing that it’s basically around the corner for someone I love so much is very difficult to handle.

So Mom, I know you can’t read this, but please know how much we love you.  Please understand how much we miss your guidance and nosiness.  And how much I’d love to hear your stories just one more time.

I dream of… factory burning?!?

I wonder why I dream the things I do.  Like this morning, I dreamed that I was married to someone (not my DH) who had betrayed me and that I had to get even.  It wasn’t clear what he had done in my dream, but I knew I had to destroy his factory.  I went in after hours one night and started up the production line.  I set it to go way too fast so that the metal wouldn’t have a chance to cool before the machine attached the fabric and shot the finished product into the catch bin.  Then I went down to the floor area and started combining chemicals until there was a gross color.  Eventually the chemicals started smoking.  Just as I was getting ready to destroy the computers, a private investigator showed up and I ran… right into the police outside.  Just as they caught me the factory went up in flames.

Somewhere after the police there was a trial.  I refused to say a word to the cops or judge.  Somehow I was allowed to get myself to the trial but I started feeling sick.  I ended up in a scary neighborhood and was looking for some place to use the bathroom.  Homeless people kept trying crazy things with me and hiding underground in unkempt yards.  They would somehow pull the dead lawn back, crawl in and pull it over them like a blanket.  Then one of them drugged me with “marijuana in a bottle” – something he stole off a girl at a party.  I was like “noooo…. I’m gonna get in trouble” and started hallucinating in my dream.

Then I woke up.  So what the heck was this all about?  The zombie dreams I understand.  I can even find parallels in those with what’s going on in my life or in a show I’ve been watching.  But this dream was just crazy

Dreams that Continue

Have you ever been dreaming right before you wake up?  Most of us have, I think.  But I have an awesome power: if I go back to sleep fast enough I can sometimes pick my dream up right where it left off.  Cool huh?  It happened with this morning’s zombie dream.

I don’t know why I dreamed about zombies this morning, but we all know that zombie dreams aren’t nightmares in my book.  In this morning’s dream I was involved in a car chase.  Some bad people were chasing me and I was trying to get across a bridge to escape them.  I took a wrong turn and stumbled upon a secret community that was built to create and examine zombies.  Unfortunately the zombie virus mutated so that it was air-borne.  The community members had become infected by the virus which showed itself by cold-like symptoms before they became full zombies.  There were guards to keep people from escaping and scientists who were working madly to come up with a cure.

I didn’t become infected until I stepped out of my car to figure out why they weren’t letting me turn around and drive out.  I wasn’t worried about being infected though.  I figured that I could kill the full-blown zombies and let the scientists use my blood to experiment on finding a cure.  So then, there was lots of zombie killing.  Oh yeah, and the guys who were chasing me were eaten by zombies too.

Then the alarm went off again (I’d been snoozing it for the past 40 minutes!) so I knew I had to get up before we’d had a chance to find the cure to zombie-ism.

Dreams that pick up right where they left off are pretty awesome.  I don’t know how it works, exactly, but I do usually like them.  This morning’s was no different.

I dream of zombies

I dream about zombies with alarming regularity.  They’re not nightmares.  They’re just dreams.

There’s usually some type of zombie uprising and I’m taking them down or leading the survivors to safety.  Or both.  My cool is kept.  I react practically.  And, even when something completely crazy happens (like I somehow figure out how to climb a sheer wall or run fast enough to fly) it all makes perfect sense and I don’t die.

Last night I had another zombie dream.  I’d gone to the hospital for a checkup and noticed that people were acting strangely.  There were a ton of ambulances appearing at the ER.  They all had patients on gurneys that were strapped down and acting “bitey.”  Other people were arriving by car and looking listless.  I didn’t look around to see how I could help.  I immediately thought “Wow, it’s a zombie uprising.  Time to get away from the hospital.”

Yup.  That’s right. I immediately knew that the zombie virus had been unleashed and the most unsafe place I could be was the hospital.

As I attempted to leave the hospital grounds, I looked around and could tell who would be eaten next.  Usually someone crying over a body that was soon to reanimate.  Other times it was someone who was wandering around completely unaware that they were being stalked by a group of zombies.  I was able to avoid most of the walking dead.  I bashed the heads of those I couldn’t.

I didn’t run into problems until the National Guard moved in.  They were quarantining the area and didn’t want to let me through.  So, I continued on my path, searching for a way out and killing any zombies that I couldn’t avoid.  As I found what appeared to be an unsecured route I woke up.

Although the dreams are odd, they’re strangely comforting.  I wonder if the comfort has to do with the security I feel in knowing that I can handle whatever the zombies throw at me.  I know that no matter what happens, I will be OK.  I do not fear a monster that would have many people shrieking in terror and unable to protect themselves.

So when people ask me what I dream about I say zombies.  And while they may give me the side-eye, I know that those are good dreams for me to have.

Strange Dream

I slept in today, but was awakened by a strange dream.  In this dream I was at work and Mick Jagger called me on my cell phone “just to chat.”  It seemed that I had written him a letter asking for a photo of his wife’s engagement ring for a piece I was doing on celebrity engagement rings.  He was impressed by it and called to talk about it.  Then he offered me family pictures in case I ever chose to write an article or something about celebrity families.  We talked about his daughter Natalie and I said that I was proud of him for not playing up to the media’s insatiable need to stalk celebrities.  As we were talking I walked around the library and watched my coworkers work.  Then they got noisy so I went outside and was creeped out by the spiders that were everywhere.  It was just the strangest dream.  As I woke up, I wondered if Mick Jagger has a daughter named Natalie (according to Wikipedia he doesn’t).  Then I rolled over and went back to sleep.